Are You Ready for Some Bullshit!

The Sporting Life:

The Public Professor’s Sports Column

During my senior year at the University of Michigan, I had an apartment in a sub-divided house that was owned by Cincinnati Bengals tight end Eric Kattus, himself a former Michigan alum. I lived in that two bedroom, second story apartment with the backside entrance for sixteen months and had several roommates along the way. Floating in and out were Chip from L.A, Craig from Camden, New Jersey, and John. Despite having an Italian surname, John hailed from the wilds of rural Michigan, somewhere near Howell I think.

John was a nice guy with a typical Midwestern 1980s mustache. Like Chip and Craig, he was working on an engineering degree at Michigan.  And though we’ve not stayed in touch, I have fond memories of him.  John was a very honest and amiable guy.  In particular, I remember him cooking up venison burgers made from the meat of a deer that his brother had shot.  I laid off meat over 15 years ago, but back then I was partial to the mushroom Swiss.

We were joking around once when John quoted his father saying: There’s two kinds of people in this world.  Those who like Hank Williams and those who like Hank Williams, Jr.

It’s a joke with two layers.  The obvious part is the assertion that everyone likes country music.  But assuming you like country music, as John’s father did, the implied humor is that Hank Williams is the patron saint of the genre and his son is a bit of a bozo.

Honestly, who on earth likes Hank Williams, Jr. better than Hank Williams?

No doubt there are a few, but their numbers are recently thinned.  Why?  Because last week Hank Jr. went on the talk show Fox & Friends, and veered so far to the right that even FoxNews couldn’t condone it.  The man who once sang about how getting stoned was a family tradition looked, quite frankly, stoned as he complained about phony bi-partisanship in the form of Barack Obama and John Boehner playing golf together, comparing them to Adolph Hitler and Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netenyahu.

As you might have guessed, Obama was Hitler in this equation.  Williams also referred to the Obama and Boehner as the Three Stooges.  Seriously.

The most damaging fallout for Hank, Jr. was that ESPN decided to yank his introductory song from Monday Night Football.  “Are You Ready for Some Football” has been the venerable program’s theme song for over twenty years.  An icon of primetime football for an entire generation, it clearly influenced Faith Hill’s substandard knock-off, which NBC uses to open its Sunday Night Football game each week: “Waiting All Day for Sunday Night.”

But icons can be replaced, as Hank Jr. Is finding out.  ESPN and their parent company Disney decided they didn’t want to be officially associated with people who compare President Obama to Hitler.  Imagine that.  So they put Williams on probation, so to speak; whether or not the song returned to MNF would depend on how contrite Williams was in apologizing.

Hank offered up the typical half-assed apology we’ve come to expect from celebrities who do something wrong.  Then he backtracked a bit.  ESPN/Disney said enough’s enough, and now it’s time for them to find a new song.

In some ways, however, the most embarrassing part is Junior’s response via his website.  First he claimed he was totally dumping her and that there’s now way she’d ever dump him, because he’s like a totally awesome stud!  And then he attempt to wrap himself in the flag.

AFTER ESPN SUSPENDS HANK JR. FOR ONE-WEEK, HANK JR. DECIDES TO PULL HIS SONG FROM BEING USED ON ESPN FOR REMAINDER OF SEASON!

“After reading hundreds of e-mails, I have made MY decision. By pulling my opening Oct 3rd, You (ESPN) stepped on the Toes of The First Amendment Freedom of Speech, so therefore Me, My Song, and All My Rowdy Friends are OUT OF HERE. It’s been a great run.” — Hank Williams Jr

Yeah, no, this absolutely not a free speech issue, as in, not even close.  Perhaps a quick refresher is perhaps in order.  The relevant part of 1st Amendment to the U.S. Constitution reads:

Congress shall make no law . . . abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press.

So to clarify, Hank, neither Congress nor any other government passed a law saying you couldn’t sing your song.  You simply got shit canned.  Hell, if I showed up to work stoned, disheveled, and told everyone that Obama was like Hitler and Boehner was like a foreign Jew, I’d probably get shit canned too.  And I have tenure.

Anyway, John’s dad was right.  Hank, Sr. was fucking awesome.  And hell, Hank Williams, III is pretty damn radical too, mixing old country and hardcore.  And I think H3 summed the whole thing up quite nicely recently.  When asked about his dad’s tirade, he responded: “The only person out there worthy of mixing political views and music is Jello Biafra.”

Are you ready for some punk?