In a massive upset that no one saw coming, David Brat defeated House Majority Leader Eric Cantor in last night’s Republican primary election.
Well, I suppose God saw it coming. That’s what Brat seems to think.
“God acted through people on my behalf,” he told Fox News.
God keeps turning down my requests to do a guest blog at this site, so I probably won’t be able to get Him to corroborate Brat’s statement. But if I understand it correctly, I think Brat’s saying that God made people vote for him. Perhaps without them even realizing it?
As in, people who were expected to vote for Cantor sorta got tricked or manipulated by God into voting for Brat? Maybe He switched their names on the ballot at the last moment, like a divine electoral shell game?
Or maybe God just strongly suggested that He would prefer they vote for Brat. And you know how those suggestions go. God has a way of making an offer you can’t refuse.
Either way, it seems like Eric Cantor’s on God’s shit list, so he might wanna look into that.
But God or no, this is the biggest upset since The Miracle on Ice. Just how big an upset was it?
Let’s call it 25-1.
After all, that’s about the factor by which Cantor’s war chest outsized Brat’s. Cantor had raised about $2.7 million for this election. Brat raised a measly $231,000.
Of course, Brat did have another one of God’s confidantes publicly supporting him: Conservative radio mouthpiece Laura Ingraham. Though Cantor had public endorsements from, you know, just about everyone else.
But alas, t’was not enough. For God hath decreed that Brat would smite Cantor in this election, and thus Moses Brat did lay Phroah Cantor low.
Next up for God’s warrior? Democrat Jack Trammell. Brat will be heavily favored in this lock-down Republican district. But maybe God’s not through with His electoral whimsey yet. Perhaps this time He’ll screw with people’s eyewear prescriptions. Or at the last minute, He might remind everyone in Virgina’s 7th Congressional District that Jesus rode a Donkey, not an Elephant.
Either way, it’s a proud day for those of us in academia. You see, Brat and Trammell are both college professors, and at the same school no less: Randolph-Macon College in Ashland, Virgnia.
Clearly, God is shining a light on the Academy.
I’d like to think it’s His way of saying He’s very unhappy that about 70% of class sections in colleges across America are taught by graduate students, exploited part-timers, and contingent faculty. And so to open up a much cherished ten
ure track position, He’s gonna shovel a professor into Congress.
So if David Brat goes on to be one of the worst members of Congress, take solace: At least it’s opening up a job for a much-deserving Ph.D.
Plus, you know. It’s what God wants. So there’s always that.