American women have been beaten down and told so often that they should take care of themselves that they don’t know how to tell their weak, lazy poorly dressed men that they’re rude, stupid insecure assholes in bad shoes.
There’s a lot to chew on there. I’d like to focus on the “bad shoes.”
Most American men dress poorly. Of course “poorly” is a subjective measurement in most ways since style is ever-changing, culturally specific, and in many ways the very essence of superficiality.
But to the extent that society has even a vague consensus about what constitutes formal and casual attire, dressing appropriately and inappropriately are real, albeit somewhat debatable things. Furthermore, to the extent that an effort to dress well can be perceived, the contrast between American women and American men is glaringly apparent.
And most people, though they may not talk about it openly, seem to be aware of what’s going on
A few hours after my female friend chatted that line to me, a married male friend, completely unprompted and unaware of that earlier exchange, said essentially the same thing during our weekly card game: that most American men dress like shit, and that American women could do something about it, but generally don’t.
I thought he was a little heavy in blaming the ladies, so I countered that:
A) American women have been subjected to a Superwoman model of womanhood during the last 30 years that has burdened them with a ridiculously large number of social roles and responsibilities, and;
B) American male push back has been substantial during the last 20 years: “I resent when you tell me how to dress because it threatens my masculinity!”
My friend and I found common ground by readily agreeing that American popular culture has infantilized men to a disturbing degree. He also rightly pointed out that women still have tremendous leverage on this issue during the early courting phase: the first time a new boyfriend shows up for a date dressed like a bum, tell him to go home and dress properly. He also noted that in most other mammals, and in most human cultures, men are the peacocks, strutting to impress, making American men outliers.
My male friend then shared his mild disgust at recently attending a wake where several men lacked proper attire, donning such Casual Friday garb as unironed polo shirts and jeans.
Personally, I don’t know what’s worse, being under-dressed in comparison to the mâitre d or a corpse.
At the same time, I am sensitive to the fact that formal attire is also a weapon of class division and exploitation. Elites have long used their fancy threads to separate themselves from, exploit, and persecute the masses. So in so
me ways, everyone dressing like a slob is democratic, both socially and economically.
But one of the ironies, it seems to me, is that formal attire has gone into decline at the same time that the price of clothing, like many consumer commodities, has fallen drastically. This isn’t the 19th century. Anyone who can afford to go out to dinner at a decent restaurant can also afford a pair of slacks, a collared shirt, and a pair of decent shoes. Indeed, those cargo shorts, if not the flip flops, probably cost as much if not more than a piece of accessibly priced formal wear.
Thus, men have stopped caring when it’s never been easier to care. The racks at large retail outlets are overflowing with cheap formal wear made by underpaid overseas labor. Indeed, both at home and abroad, that’s been the story of the textile industry for about 175 years. Exploiting young female workers in the mills of New England was one of the major developments in the emergence America’s industrial revolution. And today, farm girls who have moved to the city often comprise large segments of booming textile industry in nations such as China, Vietnam, and Indonesia.
But in post-industrial America, one thing I’ve noticed for sure about this issue is that it seems to strike a chord with a lot of women. My female friend’s quote resonates with many of the women I’ve spoken to, which tells me that the faded t-shirt and stained shorts are just the tip of the iceberg. That deep down, it really is about gender relations. It’s about a clear disparity in everything from social pressures and expectations to sexuality.
It’s not really about dressing up or dressing down, but about doing both of them together. In the 21st century, it’s still about fairness and equality. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander.
Where’s my iron?