The Sporting Life:
The Public Professor’s
Saturday Sports Column
Santa Claus went on the road today to earn a hard fought victory against arch-rival Grinch
in a division game with post-season implications.
Inclement weather, short rest, and a long flight to Whoville had led odds makers to tab St. Nick’s North Pole squad as a two point underdog. At first it seemed the bookmakers had called it correctly as the Grinch had strong showing in the first half and seemed poised to claim the division title with either a win or a tie in front of a joyous hometown crowd. However, late in the second half, Santa Claus team captain Kris Kringle slipped around a distracted defender and laid a gift for Cindy Lou under the Who family tree.
After gaining the late lead, Santa immediately went into its notorious Reign-D prevent, a nearly impenetrable 1-2-2-2-2 formation. Top defender Blitzen sacked the Grinch offense on the last play to maintain the shutout and secure the game. With the victory, Santa Claus clinched a post-season birth and will face Father Time next week at Times Square in New York.
“We knew it would be tough coming in here and winning on the road, but we stuck to our game plan and things worked out for us,” said Kringle, who scored the winning goal with thunderous chimney dunk late in the second half.
Though boasting home field advantage, the Grinch’s side seemed to tire late in the game. An 
early burst of offense was unable to produce any goals, and by the end their defensive scheme was two sizes too small to withstand the Santa counter-attack. “I probably pushed my guys too hard in the first half,” said Grinch, acknowledging that his undersized team didn’t have the stamina for so heavy a workload, which was only made worse by unusually large head gear.
Some fans were highly critical of Grinch, not just for the loss, but for his post-game press conference, which the normally ornery coach mostly smiled through. Players later came to his defense, saying he was merely chagrined by the loss, but his surprising facial expression and jovial backslapping after the game did not sit well with loyalists who thought he was setting a bad tone for the team.
“You’d never see Billy Martin smiling after a loss, that’s for shit sure,” said Melvin Who of Whoville. “He’d tie one on and kick Eddie Lee Whitson’s ass if he gave up a late dinger like that.”
However, most fans seemed inclined to keep Grinch as the Whoville head man. “He’s always been a bit of a hard ass. It’s a blue collar town and the people around here like that, but it hasn’t done them much good in the playoffs,” said Chester Who, a season ticket holder. “I don’t know, maybe he’ll catch more flies with honey or whatever. But I think he deserves another shot.”
For Santa Claus, the locker room was a chorus of popping champagne corks as players shouted the North Pole’s raucous Ho! Ho! Ho! chant. And amid the jubilation, it was clear 
that nothing could diminish the team’s joy at winning a division title and taking down a heated rival all in one fell swoop. When asked if the celebration was premature, and that the his team should stay focused on next week’s championship match up, Kris Kringle simply said:
“Merry Christmas, everyone! Merrrrrrry Christmas!”
You can also find me every Saturday at Meet the Matts.