The Sporting Life:
The Public Professor’s
Saturday Sports Column
The Yankees are my wife, ‘Til death do we part
The Steelers the love of my life, the pounding of my heart,
The Rangers are a loyal friend, bound to me from the start,
And the Knicks are . . . The Knicks are . . .
Eh, the Knicks are kinda like friends with benefits.
It really is that simple. If the Knicks are groovin’ me, and I’m groovin’ them, then it’s a night of hot passion. If not, we lead our separate lives and don’t bother each other. You might be tempted to call that front-running, but they haven’t won a championship since I was five, so whatever.
What it’s really about is the team having charisma. I still think Bernard King’s over achieving Knicks of the early 1980s were more fun that Latrell Sprewell’s almost-champion Knicks of the late 1990s.
And on some level, it’s also about not being that inclined to follow basketball on a daily basis. Why? Because while basketball is a really great game to play, I think the NBA is highly flawed as a spectator sport.
The ease of scoring means too many games aren’t close. The fouls and surplus of timeouts mean the final two minutes of a close game can be painfully exasperating to watch. The three point line has gutted 
intermediate shooting, and taken with it a lot of skillful interior passing. And too many teams are dependent on a star player or two, leading to an onslaught of repetitive one-on-one play.
No way in hell I’m getting married to this. But for all its faults, it can be a lotta fun now and again. Friends with benefits.
And right now the Knicks are looking pretty damned friendly.
It’s not just the return to New York of the Mello Fello, as I am here officially dubbing Carmello Anthony. It actually started with the signing of Amare Stoudemire. Last summer, when May-May (okay, that one might not stick) signed on the dotted line all by his lonesome, every Knicks fan thought the exact same thing I did.
That’s it?!
You sank the whole franchise for not one, but TWO whole years just so you could get a shot at landing a couple of top free agents, including LeBron James, and when the time comes you not only don’t get James, but you only get one guy and it’s the oft-injured Stoudemire? This skinny big man is gonna carry the franchise?
Well guess what? It now seems that May-May’s arrival signaled the beginning of an exciting, lovable, and retarded new era of Knicks basketball, which became readily apparent the minute he claimed he was Jewish.
That was some kind of special. And to back it up, the guy wanders off to Israel for a couple of weeks to do lord knows what. And he comes back with a tattoo of the Star of David.
A tattoo of the Star of David.
Let me explain this to the goyem. From a Jew’s perspective, that’s about the most idiotically wonderful thing you could ever do. Your grandmother will shriek, your little cousin will think you’re the coolest guy in the world, and you’ll just pray the rabbi doesn’t find out.
Oh, and Stoudemire also put us all to shame by staying healthy and playing lights out ball, almost single-handedly carrying a not very good team, and one of the worst NBA franchises of this century, over the .500 mark through February.
And Now? Now they got the Brooklyn-born Melo Fello puttin’ up points with homemade love and even volunteering to play D. Plus, they also added the underrated Chauncey Billups, whom I’ve liked since he was at the University of Colorado. I was up on Big 12 basketball at the time because I was a graduate student at Nebraska, which tells you how long ago it was and how old he is. ChuBi, as I’m now dubbing him, led that pathetic program to NCAA Tournament. And as a pro he led the Pistons to the finals twice, including a win 
over the heavily favored Lakers. He’s smart, he’s hip, he’s got ice in his veins, he’s got a sly, infectious smile, and he’ll stab your best friend in the throat if that’s what it takes to win, and let’s be honest, now that you think about it, you don’t even really like your best friend, he’s kind of a dick, so hell with it.
Look, I don’t know if the Knicks are gonna win anything this with lineup. It’s probably too late to pull it together this year, and down the line the NBA’s Eastern Conference is absolutely stacked. But who cares? The team is looking like it’s gonna be fun, like a 2:00 PM beer. Hell, the way things are going, they just might bring back short-shorts
Yup, I like the way them Knicks are lookin’ these days. We gettin’ friendly!
You can also find me every Saturday at Meet the Matts.