I am performing a wedding today.
You heard that right. I’m gonna be the guy who stands up there and pronounces them Man and Wife.
About a year ago, a former student of mine named Chris asked if I would officiate his wedding. Becky, the bride-to-be, was also a former student of mine. In fact, they’d taken my U.S. History introductory survey together about ten years ago, back when they first started dating.
We’d stayed in touch over the years. I wrote Chris a letter of recommendation to graduate school (he just finished his Master’s), played some softball with him, and so forth. And then he asked if I would officiate their wedding.
The request came as a complete surprise. While I had DJ’d a couple of weddings in my younger days, I’ve never before performed one. But how could I say No to a question like that? Though since agreeing to it, I’ve gotten a lot of question from other people. The most common is:
Are you actually certified to marry anyone?
Of course not. I’m a professor, not a confessor. Not until now at least. The happy couple decided that I should join one of those “churches” on the web. Personally, I would have gone with Venganza, better known as th
e Flying Spaghetti Monster. But it’s their wedding, so I left it up to them. As a result, I am now duly registered with The Church of the Dude, a.k.a. Dudism. Got an authorized certificate and everything. Not that it makes me anymore legal. Mostly it’s just for show.
Here is how it works. The couple goes down to City Hall and gets the marriage license ahead of time. So by the time they’re standing in front of me, all of the legalities are already in place. When I tell them to say, “I do,” they already did.
Mostly then, I’m just silver-tongued set piece. And to that end, I had them come by and pick through my wardrobe, including my extensive collection of ties (over a hundred), so they could choose my ensmeble for the special day.
Of course they went with my heaviest wool suit. They like the dark gray color. It’s gonna be pushing 90 and nary a breeze. But I didn’t say a word. They also chose a white shirt with light blue pin stripes, and a shiny, light purple tie, which apparently will complement what the groomsmen and bridesmaids are wearing.
The whole outfit came back from the dry cleaner’s earlier this week, so I my second choice of cutoffs and a wife beater is officially nixed.
In all seriousness though, being asked to sanctify Chris and Becky’s marriage was very humbling. It’s also a tremendous honor, and not because of what it may or may not say about me; rather, it is a profound honor because they are kind, generous, thoughtful, and honest people. In short, their good kids. And so I am deeply honored to play whatever part I can during this special day in their lives.
Please join me in celebrating Chris and Becky’s wedding.
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UPDATE: I’m happy to say that everything went off without a hitch. A beautiful day in Upper Marlboro, Maryland framed the happy couple, their joyous family and friends, and yours truly, who somehow managed not to screw up.
