The Sporting Life:
The Public Professor’s
Saturday Sports Column
It has recently come to the Public Professor’s attention that his Sporting Life column has been, quite frankly, too frank. Though the press and many of the fans love it, his bluntness and candor are creating discord in the clubhouse, giving his coaches ulcers, and causing fits in the front office. Therefore, after receiving a quick tutorial on “How to Communicate in The Platitudes of Professional Sports,” The Prof. is towing the line this week and composing his column in unadulterated Sports Speak. So we begin:
*The Public Professor coughs. His eyes glaze over as he stares at a spot beyond you, 
off camera, up and to the left*
Hey, what can you say about our webmaster? He really picked us up yesterday when we needed it, setting the table for me today. He’s been huge for us all year, you can’t say enough about him.
No, I’m not thinking about the post-season yet. We don’t want to get ahead of ourselves. I’m just focusing on the next column. We can’t afford to look past anybody. You gotta take it one article at a time. We’ve got Art for No Reason coming up on Monday, and that’s been lights out this year. It’s a tough match-up, offering very few words, but this feature has come through time and time again, so you know it’ll give its best shot, and hopefully it can put up a winning post.
*The Professor looks down ever so briefly so he can quickly undress the comely sideline reporter with his eyes, then retrains his gaze to that fixed point in the distant horizon.*
Last Thursday wasn’t my best column, but the rest of the staff picked me up. Sometimes you go out there and realize you don’t have your best stuff, but you still gotta do what it takes to get eyeballs on the page. The editor came in and really polished up the prose. She does it week in and week out. And I think the pictures were huge today. You know the graphics editor’s a crafty veteran, and she found ways to keep the website in the game, give it a chance to compete, and that’s all you can ask for. We also got some timely writing from the copy people. They don’t get a lot of attention, but they’re the glue that holds this team together, and it was because of them that we were able to do what we needed to do.
But you’ve also got give credit to the readers. It’s always a tough match up and they come prepared. You know they read really well, there’s a lotta strong critical analysis over there. They got the best of it this time and hats off to `em. I’ll sit down with my
coaches, watch some film, maybe take some extras strokes on the keyboard at practice, and then try to come back strong next week.
Okay, thanks.
*The Professor winks in to the camera and leaves*
You can also find me every Saturday at Meet the Matts.