So here’s the story.
Last week a woman named Stephanie Strayer took a train out of Philadelphia. She had the unfortunate experience of sitting near a “loser.” Strayer claims the guy and his friends spent two hours bragging about their many extramarital affairs, and how their wives were too dumb to find out.
So Strayer took a picture of the “loser,” posted it to her Facebook page with a brief explanation, and asked people to re-post.
A quick peak at Strayer’s Facebook timeline suggests nothing unusual. Photos of cats, waterfalls, and rainbows. She’s got fifty-nine Friends, she Likes eleven pages, and her typical posts garner a few thumbs up and maybe a couple of shares. The photo of the Amtrak Philanderer got seven Likes and four comments from her FB friends.
But then something happened. The post made it out of her small circle and went viral. It’s now been shared more than a quarter-million times on Facebook. NPR even mentioned it in a story about what George Orwell and Franz Kafka might think the recent NSA spying scandal were they still alive.
Okay. For argument’s sake, let’s just take Strayer at her word. Let’s assume that the guy in the picture was an unconscionable asshole, audibly bragging in a public space about his lurid and immoral behavior, and demeaning his own family. In that case, Strayer did a good thing by exposing and embarrassing him, right?
Hold on. Not so fast.
Even if we are comfortable with the public humiliation of a complete stranger who seemed to have it coming, there are still larger concerns. Most importantly, it’s not just this guy and his friends who have been publicly humiliated. It’s also their wives, who are now twice victimized.
First, these women suffered adultery as their wedding vows were made mockery. And despite what their husbands seem to think, some of those women might have already known. Almost certainly some of them suspected as much and have been grappling with the torment of suspicion and doubt.
But if that weren’t enough, now a slice of America also knows. And what’s worse, far worse, is that most of their friends and family probably 
also now know as well. So these women will now be subjected to unwanted sympathy, pointing fingers, staring eyes, and the whispers of tawdry gossip almost everywhere they go. Not only must they deal with their cheating husbands, they have also lost their privacy in the matter. Their family’s dirtiest laundry has just been aired by a stranger on a train.
And what about the kids?
Presumably some of these men have children who will now have to face other children circulating rumors about their father’s appalling behavior. The younger ones will be confused, frustrated, and angry. The older ones will be absolutely mortified. There will probably be lots and lots of tears all around.
So Strayer has not just contributed to the public shaming of some random asshole strangers; her actions have also likely inflicted additional pain and suffering on their innocent families.
And while Strayer probably didn’t anticipate that this would go viral, her initial message expressed that very desire, and even dragged family members into frey. The caption of her photo reads:
If this is your husband, I have endured a 2 hour train ride from Philadelphia listening to this loser and his friends brag about their multiple affairs and how their wives are too stupid to catch on. Oh please repost.
Hey lady. Your husband’s fucking a bunch of skanks, he thinks you’re a moron, and I want everyone in the world to know about it.
That’s the basic gist of her post.
In no way do I mean to defend adulterers. And despite what I’ve written, the purpose is not to make Strayer the villain. One can easily imagine the outrage of sitting next to such awful pieces of shit.
Rather, the goal here is to consider the moral complexity of our actions and the impact of unintended consequences.
Strayer could have done what most people would do in that situation. She could have moved seats; she could have tried to tune them out; or if feeling more assertive, she could have asked them to please keep their voices down, or even contacted a conductor.
But instead, she forged a passive-aggressive vengeance. She surreptitiously (and I think that’s a very important point) photographed a stranger, and then took to the internet in an concerted effort to humiliate him.
No doubt, the consequences have spiraled far, far beyond anything Strayer ever anticipated. And as this becomes a minor national story, I suspect that she will be contacted by some of the people involved, their friends and/or family, and maybe even their lawyers.
The whole sordid affair, no pun intended, brings Andy Warhol to mind.
When the pop art painter said that in the future, everyone will be famous for fifteen minutes, he wasn’t just launching a prediction and making an abstract comment about society and the nature of celebrity. He was also issuing a warning.
At some point, everyone’s going to be staring at you. And judging you. The question then is, Why do you want them to know you? What do you want to be judged for?